Monstrous Monday: Plush Golem

There were actually two different sets of plush golem published for Old School D&D, both in April Fool's articles. The first was written by James MacDougall in the article “Not Found In Any Stores!” in Dragon #120 (April 1987). Written for AD&D 1st edition, it had Small-sized plush golems. The second was in Anne Brown's article “The Dragon’s Worstiary: Golems” in Dragon #228 (April 1996) for AD&D 2nd edition. This one was a Large-sized plush golem, and the description calls out Barney the Dinosaur and Hobbes (of Calvin & Hobbes fame). The following writeup combines some from both versions.

 

Plush Golem

Some sages believe these are the smallest and weakest of golems, rising to only a few feet in height and made of fabric and batting. However, the so-called “plush golems” (or “attack teddies”) are deceptive in more ways than one. Typically given as gifts to young children by magical aunts or uncles, plush golems seem like ordinary stuffed animals at first but eventually reveal their animated nature to their children owners. Children usually react by acting as if their plush golem were a living thing, insisting it be served at meal-times, reading to it at night, and otherwise treating it as a beloved family member. Parents who are unaware of the plush golems’ nature typically become frustrated and irritated.

Plush golems never attack humanoids that have not yet reached adulthood, even going so far as to allow themselves to be destroyed by their young charges.

Plush golems are finely crafted stuffed dolls and may be made of velvet, cotton, or wool. They are usually stuffed with cotton or wool batting, or sometimes with dried beans or nut husks. They may be created in realistic colors to represent a real bear, lion, tiger, or panda, or they may be fabricated into fantastic creatures such as pink elephants, purple rabbits, purple-and-green dinosaurs, striped orange tigers, or lime green monkeys.

Manual of Plush Golems
Wondrous item, very rare

This tome contains information and incantations necessary to make a plush golem. To decipher and use the manual, you must be a spellcaster with at least two 5th-level spell slots. A creature that can't use a manual of plush golems and attempts to read it takes 6d6 psychic damage.

To create a plush golem, you must spend 5 days per golem you wish to create (up to 5), working without interruption and with the manual at hand, and resting no more than 8 hours a day. You must also pay 15,000 gp per plush golem to purchase supplies.

Once you finish creating the golems, the book is consumed in eldritch flames. The golems become animate when the ashes of the manual are sprinkled on them. They are under the control of some-one you designate, and they understand and obey that person's spoken commands.

Plush Golem
Small construct, unaligned

Armor Class 13
Hit Dice 37 (5d6 + 20)
Speed 25 ft.
STR    DEX    CON    INT    WIS    CHA
10 (+0)    17 (+3)    18 (+4)    8 (-1)    10 (+0)    8 (-1)
Damage Immunities cold, poison, psychic; bludgeoning from nonmagical attacks that aren't adamantine
Condition Immunities charmed, exhaustion, frightened, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned
Senses darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception 10
Languages understands the languages of its creator but can’t speak
Challenge 1/4 (50 XP)      Proficiency Bonus +2

False Appearance. While the golem remains motionless, it is indistinguishable from a normal stuffed animal.

Immutable Form. The golem is immune to any spell or effect that would alter its form.

Magic Resistance. The golem has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

Magic Weapons. The golem’s weapon attacks are magical.

Actions
Multiattack. The golem makes two slam attacks.

Slam. Melee Weapon Attack: +2 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 2 (1d4) bludgeoning damage.

Reaction
Strike Dumb (Recharge 4-6). When a humanoid of Adult age or older within 30 feet perceives the plush golem, the golem may force the target to make a DC 14 Constitution saving throw. If the saving throw is failed, the target may not speak until the end of its next turn. If the saving throw is failed by 5 or more, the target is also stunned until the end of its next turn.