Mad Gaming Madness

There were actually two different sets of plush golem published for Old School D&D, both in April Fool's articles. The first was written by James MacDougall in the article “Not Found In Any Stores!” in Dragon #120 (April 1987). Written for AD&D 1st edition, it had Small-sized plush golems. The second was in Anne Brown's article “The Dragon’s Worstiary: Golems” in Dragon #228 (April 1996) for AD&D 2nd edition. This one was a Large-sized plush golem, and the description calls out Barney the Dinosaur and Hobbes (of Calvin & Hobbes fame). The following writeup combines some from both versions.

So, I’ve been scanning old issues of Polyhedron (the RPGA's house magazine, put out by TSR) for humor content, and came across the module “The Camel’s Nose” is Polyhedron #29 (May 1986). The adventure follows a group of nomadic Valley Elves as they make a pilgrimage to a site holy to Camelopardus, the Camel Lord of the Desert. It’s exactly what you’d expect of a joke module from the mid-80s, but it has some charm for all its flaws. A werecamel plays a part, and I couldn’t resist converting it. I also include a camel stat block because I'm not happy with the several different ones I've found online. I didn't get to finishing this up until Tuesday, but “Monstrous Monday” only works one day a week, so I'm back-dating it.

So, when the blog went into hiatus, I had been wrestling with the Pink Dragon. I was trying to combine two different pink dragons from comedy articles: The pink (candy) dragon from Rick Reid's scenario “The Caves of Confection,” in Polyhedron issue #051 (January 1990). The pink dragon from Jeanne McGuire's entry in Not Necessarily the Monstrous Compendium in Dragon #156 (April 1990). Both of these had humor elements, but still had (I judged) some gameplay value and I felt it would be good to combine them into one fully-fleshed out creature. But making a full stat block for a new type of dragon in D&D 5E is hard . You can go simple for Lair and Legendary Actions, but that feels like a cheap copout. And I'm a huge fan of Spectre Creation's Cosmic Dragon Breviary , and in that one he statted out five full new species, with new Lair and Legendary Actions. So, when I came back to the blog, I felt I needed to finish this guy before moving on; he'd been waiting long e...

This blog post refers to this post by Skerples of the Coins & Scrolls blog. Go read it, it's fantastic. Equipment A mining rig consists of a mining pick, a lantern, a rope (50', hemp), a sack (small), and a backpack. An Adventurer can purchase one at any affiliated kiosk near the Blockchain Mine at the price below; the added cost includes fees for AdventureGild ® certification of the durability and quality of the elements of the pack. A High-Quality ® mining rig consists of two pickaxes made of Mythryl ®, a lantern (bullseye), a rope (50', free-range organic hemp), a sack (large), and a backpack with a patch certifying it is a High-Quality ® item, making you the envy of other Adventurers. An Enchanted ® mining rig consists of the same gear as the High-Quality ® pack, but the pickaxes are enchanted with Nystul's magic aurum  ®; the sparkling gold sheen provided by the enchantment displays to all the magical nature of the pickaxes, which guarantees they will be use...

 Another one from Mr. Maxstadt. I like the idea of giving some character to monsters, and this is a very flavorful cursed version of the rug of smothering . Rug of Mothering Would-be independent adventures prepare for thrilling heroics, only to end their peace of mind prematurely as the rug be-neath their feet animates and smothers them – emotionally.    A rug of mothering can be made in many different forms, from a finely woven carpet fit for a queen-mother to a coarse mat from a peasant matron's hovel. Creatures with the ability to sense magic detect the rug's false magical aura of transmutation magic.    In some cases, a rug of smothering is disguised as a carpet of flying or another beneficial magic item. However, a character who stands or sits on the rug, or who attempts to utter a word of command, quickly finds that it forms an emotional attachment to them. Once the rug has formed an attachment to a character it will always be found somewhere about their...

Today's monster comes from the Dragon #156 article, "(Not Necessarily the) Monstrous Compendium." Submitted by Sharon Jenkins, I think it's an interesting low-level celestial you can put into a module and not worry about it single-handedly taking on an encounter. I've had players convince unicorns to do their dirty work, and while it's a valid option for PCs, I don't mind having a noncombat alternative. The unicow is not nearly as potent as its more famous cousin, while still providing a healing respite for the party—but it's not going to tank the Big Bad on their behalf.

 Today's entry once again comes from "(Not Necessarily) the Monstrous Compendium?" from Dragon #156 (April 1990). The pigeontoad was submitted by John Hamilton.

So, I got sidetracked a few months ago, and managed to miss posting for a while. I'd try to remember to post, forget it on the Monday in question, then put it off because, "It's Monstrous Monday! Not Tuesday!" That's a great way to procrastinate yourself into never doing something. So, today's ridiculous monster from the "Not Necessarily the Monstrous Compendium" article from Dragon #156 is the paper dragon, which is actually one of my favorites and one that I've used more than once. It's a great critter to put in an abandoned wizards' library, or similar location.

The next monster from Dragon #156's "Not Necessarily the Monstrous Compendium" is the dreaded Killer Spruce, by Hans Persson.   No one is quite certain where these strange plants come from. They grow in distant regions, less commonly travelled. It is evident that members of this species do not display and characteristics different from those of other spruce trees until they reach full mature growth, generally 20 to 30 feet tall. Then, their murderous impulses come to the fore. Killer spruce are so called for their ability to animate their lower branches to attack nearby creatures. Although they seem to display a preference for attacking elves, they do not appear to possess any sort of sentience or even animal intelligence. When they detect creatures within reach, they attack by lashing their large boughs at the creature until it is dead, at which point the branches move the body to where its decay will nourish the tree. For this reason, occasionally incidental trea...

Continuing my attempts to convert joke monsters from the Dragon magazine issue #156 article "Not Necessarily the Monstrous Compendium" to 5th edition stats (and increasing their usability), I present the death sheep. In the original article, these monsters (created by M. W. Rodgers) were basically rabid sheep. EDIT: Greenbriar on The Piazza message boards set me straight on the source of the joke. It's from this Monty Python sketch . I can't believe I forgot about this one! Bad nerd, no cookie! I've given these creatures Pack Tactics to make them a serious threat to even higher-level adventurers. However, it should be noted that this is meant to represent the kind of relentless threat the infected can represent (see, for example, the movie 28 Days Later ). It should not be taken to represent actual intelligent tactics. I was going to start by statting out a regular sheep in 5E terms. As it is, Troll Lord Games has released an OGL sheep in their excellent supplem...