Fantastic Friday: Zagyg’s Comedicon

So, this one comes from the Arcane Lore column in Dragon #270 (April 2000). Authored by Robert S. Mullin, “Greyhawk Grimoires: Zagyg’s Comedicon” introduced a new spellbook by Gary Gygax’s in-game alter-ego, Zagig Yragerne, one-time mayor of Greyhawk city, then the demigod Zagyg the Mad. As Arcane Lore columns go, it was kind of disappointing. None of the spells were as broadly useful as the ones in The Crazed Book of Mog, and I felt the flavor was a little bland. But I like the idea of a spellbook which might have much more powerful magics, that no one has yet encountered because of the innate dweomer of chaos and confusion around the object.

 

Zagyg’s Comedicon
Source: Robert S. Mullin, “Greyhawk Grimoires: Zagyg’s Comedicon,” Dragon #270 (April 2000).

This unusual spellbook measures some 20” tall, 12” wide, and 4” thick. It has covers manufactured of some dark bluish crystal, looking something like glass but as hard as the hardest metal. The covers are hinged with delicately-engraved platinum rings, and both front and back cover bear 4” disks in the center. The front disk bears a relief of an aged humanoid face, frozen mid-laughter; this is presumably the face of the archmage Zagig Yragerne, former mayor of the city of Greyhawk. The rear disk bears the relief of a balding head, presumably also a replica of the archmage’s. The book is secured closed with an ingenious puzzle lock, also made of polished, engraved platinum.

The pages of the book are parchment, but are completely covered with a strange silvery pigment that sparkles in the light, and the “writing” within is made by scraping away the pigment. The pigment proves resistant to further scratching.

The book's contents are a hodge-podge of bizarre essays and crude pranks, interspersed with writings of a more serious nature. The pages are disorganized, however, by an enchantment that reorders the pages every time the covers are closed, shuffling them about so that careful attention is required to comprehend the contents. Occasionally during a shuffle one or more pages will disappear from the book entirely, to be replaced by other pages, potentially disclosing a different spell or essay previously unknown to sages. This shuffling dweomer never occurs while the book is open, however.

As a final enchantment, the book will occasionally vanish from wherever it has been stored, to reappear in the deserted former mayor's chambers beneath Castle Greyhawk; the volume is replaced with a limestone slab equivalent in size and weight to the Comedicon. This teleportation cannot be blocked by magical barricades or alarms. It is thought the only way to prevent this may be storing the tome in an anti-magic shell or a dead magic zone, but such measures also prevent learning any spells from the book.

The essays in the volume include descriptions of elaborate practical jokes, witty anecdotes, and other forms of popular humor, generally tending toward vile puns and crude pranks. Mixed in with these are unusual bits of what many sages believe are prophetic passages, in comical meter.
      A cleric I knew in Veluna
      Fought hard ‘gainst a giant tuna.
      The fish opened wide
      And sucked him inside;
      He should have giv’n praise to Fortuna.

That particular poem apparently referred to the archbishop of Veluna, who was swallowed whole by whale in 587 CY.

Due to the book's magic, it is never certain that all of the following spells are present at any given time, nor the order in which they appear. The spells believed to be contained in the book are as follows: chaosº, confusion, corpse visageº, crown of madness, emotionº, enervationˣ, eyebite, fear, fool's speechº, friends, fumbleº, grease, irritationº, Leomund’s trapº, maze, misdirectionº, mislead, Nystul’s magic aura, Otto's irresistible dance, scareº, spookº, Tasha’s hideous laughter, ventriloquismº, vicious mockery, wall of gloomº, Zagig’s amusing alterationᶻ, Zagig’s canned laughterᶻ, and Zagig’s gender shiftᶻ.

ˣ indicates a spell from Xanathar's Guide to Everything.

º indicates a spell from a bygone era of magic (i.e., a previous edition—use your own favorite 5e implementation, there are almost always several online.)

ᶻ indicates a spell described below.

Zagig's Amusing Alteration
Transmutation cantrip (sorcerer, wizard)

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 30 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Concentration, up to 10 minutes

A creature of your choice that you can see within range must succeed on a Charisma saving throw, or else you cause one facial feature of the creature (an eye, ear, nose, snout, tusk, proboscis, etc.) to grow to four times its normal size. The change is cosmetic and causes no damage, although it may cause difficulties for the creature, at the DM's discretion.

Zagig's Canned Laughter
Illusion cantrip (sorcerer, wizard)

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Self
Components: V, S, M (a banana peel and a rag doll that has been tarred and feathered)
Duration: 1 Hour

For the duration of this cantrip, any time the caster makes a joke, pun, quip, one-liner, or other attempt at humor (no matter how unsuccessful), a chorus of laughter erupts from their immediate vicinity. This laughter is audible to all creatures within 120 feet.

Zagig's Gender Shift
3rd-level transmutation (sorcerer, wizard)

Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Touch
Components: V, S, M (a bit of clay)
Duration: Instantaneous

As an action, the caster touches a creature which must succeed in a Charisma saving throw or immediately change to a different gender. In a species with two genders, this is the other gender; in species with several genders, the creature changes to the gender of the caster’s choice. The creature may choose to fail the saving throw. The change is instantaneous and permanent.