Wondrous Wednesday: Merty’s Magical Medley, Part 1

So, in Dragon #168 (April 1991), there appeared an article by Robin C. Ashmore and Michele Batter titled “Merty’s Manual of Magical Merchandise.” The article provided a number of items one might find in a magic shop, each with a useful effect (well, mostly useful) and a detriment, along with a price. The prices for these items were somewhat absurd, but it was meant in humor. 

This article appeared after I stopped regularly reading the magazine so it passed me by, but when I got the Dragon Magazine CD Archive and read through issues I missed, it drew my attention. While I don't think the items are as flavorful as others that appeared in previous April issues, they had more utility than most. Others seem to have thought so -- most of the items appeared (with prices unmodified) in the AD&D 2nd edition Encyclopedia Magica series, Volume 2.

Here, then, are some of the items. Prices have been removed, as we don't generally do those for 5th edition. If your campaign does have magic shops, the proprietors should price them at whatever ridiculous price they think the market will bear.

Merty’s Marvelous Marbles

Wondrous item, common

As an action, you can spill these tiny colorful glass balls from their pouch to cover a level, square area that is 10 feet on a side. A creature moving across the covered area must succeed on a DC 13 Dexterity saving throw or fall prone. A creature moving through the area at greater than normal speed has disadvantage on the save.

At any time you may speak a command word as a bonus action, and all of the balls instantly return to the bag. When full, the bag always weighs one pound. Only the marbles may be placed into the bag.

Curse. Whenever you suffer falling damage or are in the area of an explosion (such as from a fireball), you must roll a d20. On a “1,” the bag explodes and the marbles fall at your feet; when the bag is gone, the command word to collect the balls no longer functions.

Merty’s Mystic Mustard

Potion, uncommon

This condiment’s orange paste flickers, and it emits smoke whenever it is used as a topping. After consuming one serving of this condiment, you can use a bonus action to exhale fire at a target within 30 feet of you. The target must make a DC 13 Dexterity saving throw, taking 4d6 fire damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. The effect ends after you exhale the fire three times or when one hour has passed.

This item is found in clay jars containing enough for eight servings, and each comes in one of two flavors: Regular or Extra Tangy.

Curse. After you have breathed fire the third time in an hour, you must make a DC 13 Constitution saving throw. On a failure, you suffer 4d6 fire damage from inhaling the flames yourself. On a success, you take no damage.

Merty’s Multiplanar Mushrooms

Potion, rare

When you use an action to consume one of these fresh and tasty mushrooms, you are transported into the border regions of the Ethereal Plane, in the area where it overlaps with your current plane. You remain in the Border Ethereal until you use your action to consume another of these mushrooms. During this time, you can move in any direction. If you move up or down, every foot of movement costs an extra foot. You can see and hear the plane you originated from, but every-thing there looks gray, and you can't see anything more than 60 feet away.

While on the Ethereal Plane, you can only affect and be affected by other creatures on that plane. Creatures that aren't on the Ethereal Plane can't perceive you and can't interact with you, unless a special ability or magic has given them the ability to do so.

You ignore all objects and effects that aren't on the Ethereal Plane, allowing you to move through objects you perceive on the plane you originated from.

When you consume another of these mushrooms, you immediately return to the plane you originated from in the spot you currently occupy. If you occupy the same spot as a solid object or creature when this happens, you are immediately shunted to the nearest unoccupied space that you can occupy and take force damage equal to twice the number of feet you are moved.

These mushrooms come in sets of three, packaged in a decorated jade box.

Curse. Consuming one of these mushrooms causes you to emit an Ethereal “scent,” which is imperceptible to you but attractive to creatures native to the Ethereal Plane, such as ghosts and night hags. While you are on the Ethereal Plane, your chance to have a random encounter is doubled.

Merty’s Mmm-mmm! Muskmelons

Potion, common

This appears to be a large beige melon that might smell and taste like a cantaloupe, watermelon, or banana, depending on the strain. When consumed, one of these melons acts as a ration, providing sustenance for one person for one meal. Muskmelons are enchanted to stay fresh indefinitely.

In addition, if the seeds from a muskmelon are planted and watered, they will sprout in 6 hours into a melon plant, even in the absence of sunlight. A muskmelon plant will bud and produce 1 to 2 muskmelons that act just like the original muskmelon. (Roll 1d4: 1-3, one muskmelon sprouts; 4, two muskmelons sprout.) The original muskmelon can produce up to six generations of descendants before the magic is expended.

Curse. One in every 20 muskmelons will be corrupt when picked. The person consuming the corrupted muskmelon must attempt a DC 13 Constitution saving throw. On a failure, the victim will be poisoned for 1d4 hours following consumption. Corrupted muskmelons can grow from normal melon plants, and vice versa.

Merty’s Miraculous Mistmaker

Wondrous item, uncommon

This delicate crystal vial bears a decoration that resembles a triple M design, engraved on the stopper. When you use an action to remove the stopper, a cloud of mist pours out in a 30-foot radius from the vial. The cloud’s area is lightly obscured.

The cloud disperses after 10 minutes. A moderate wind (11 or more miles per hour) disperses the mist instantly. The vial can be recharged by filling it with water and allowing it to sit for one day.

Curse. The vial is extremely fragile, as per normal glass. If the vial is broken, the cloud of mist will appear and follow the bearer until it dissipates.